Love amid the hills of Manali.
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"The reality is so much like the drowning of my cry in the drumming of rain. We expect people to listen to our pain and grief when they themselves have turned deaf by the screaming of their morose heart..."
THE SPRING OF 90
A thrilling story of eternal love.
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“Ever since that day I and Rini used to meet very frequently. The post school Kulfi session and seeing the sunset together were the most cherished moments of our everyday life.
Life then to us was like a blank sheet of paper on which our togetherness drafted poetries of love and ecstasy..."
MY LOST PRINCESS A heartbreaking tale of childhood love.
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"Some spaces in your life can never be filled by a second someone. All you can do is to allocate a new space for that new someone. That space in his heart remains occupied by an absence just like the space occupied by someone whom he had seen die in the haze of dust..."
A FATEFUL MEMOIR
(Based on Anti-Sikh riots 1984)
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It reminds me of the porous roof overhead. How it had been like that since many seasons now. One that I still haven’t got in a mason for, not chosen to, to spread an ever layer of cement with his spatula. One that, like all the other bygone monsoons, would be a sieve with the first hard downpour, pouring in first as speeding drops then soon transforming into trickling streams, like a fountain placed upside down, spilling all over the room, crowding the corners in greying puddles of standing rain water. Walls soaking it up will start to green from the bottom, fresh dots of moss spreading like colour from a spray can. Pillows will feel sticky, drenched, their cotton clubbed inside from the dampness. The otherwise flat surface of my study table will start sporting bubbles, its white laminate peeling from the corners, the posts swollen.
As the clouds completely shroud the starlight, I connect this monsoon to the hurt she poured me with. Hurt that had hollowed a portion of my soul and continues to bore me with streams of sorrow very passing day. Hurt that after all these years, now happens to be the only evidence, against the love I yearned with my soul, almost begged, of her happening to me. Hurt that also is my sole witness of me losing my heart at the sight of her beaming eyes. An endearing ache that brings me to pictures of thunder fractures skies and maddening rain. And so I put my heart around it, around everything that brings no good but immense suffering, all the memories that are now ugly scars, in a sustaining wrap of holding on, to the person who had long wrenched her hand from my grip and moved on.
Hence, I ascend the bed quietly and lie sideways, facing the open window and the approaching clouds. Wisp of night jasmine drifting in. Followed by a blue spark of lightening, a stentorian roar of clouds crashing, before the water started to fall. In thick drops first that struck the leaves life bullets, then trickling from their margins onto dry earth, soon evolving into a relentless shower that muted every sound and scent of the bustling city. Just the rain and its smashing sound, as I felt the cold thud of the first drop, seeping through eroded layers of concrete of my roof, splatter onto my forehead. Followed by a second on the hollow over my lips, then a third somewhere on my chin and then, in no time, it was steady trickle drenching my whole body.
Beneath the pouring roof, clutching onto similarly porous heart, I let the rain pass into my bones and fill my eyes. Hoping, almost falsely, of waking up to a clear day and meeting the sun with rain kissed eyes for the rainbow we couldn’t be, of everything said and unsaid, to fill the arms of the sky.
Upon your return from the desert odyssey, facing the bedroom mirror as you dig the comb of resolve in your matted strands and a golden sprinkle of cold sand pours from your head, like a fine rain of our memories, or when the late sun sneaking through the curtains awakens my dried kiss on your nape; will you genuinely care retracing your steps back to the cold nights of Jaisalmer, into the heart of your solitude, where we always met in thoughts of longing? And lie down on the desert floor may be, inside your tent with my omniscience beside you, and watch the moon enthral a village of stars gathered on the sloping roof, with its silver humming of love songs? When the feral night winds of my desires fill your skirt and your thighs contract to a carnal bliss, will you not unlace the silken knots on your bony back and lie naked in submission, feeling my shadow climb your body? Will you not open your arms to the emptiness of your world, and behold my ghost in the sheltering warmth of your bosom, honouring a love that we, alas, couldn’t be?
- ► 2015 (14)
- ► 2013 (26)